I am SICK and TIRED of this. There is no stopping it. There is no getting over it. There is really little use in controlling it. Me being quiet will NEVER happen.
Let me repeat myself….
I WILL NEVER BE QUIET!!
So what propelled this little blog of rage, you ask? Well…It could be hormones. It could be that rage moments are coming easier and easier the less sleep and the more hot flashes I have. Could be. It could also be that you are an asshole.
Let me backtrack. I have never been quiet. I am not quiet. I am not even close to quiet. I am undeniably and unabashedly loud and proud. I am passionate and have strong opinions, go sue me. If you see somebody singing out loud, skipping and then running up to you and throwing their arms around you, probably me. When I was a kid it was always a problem because you were supposed to be quiet so often…in school, in church, in the library. Never ever ever have I had a report card that didn’t discuss my talent for gab, loud gab. Because I was so thoroughly ridiculed as a child for being loud, I am fairly sensitive to it, as an adult. Some might call it a trigger. I call it fighting words.
Again, what is this all about? clearly, I have been told that I am too loud. I have been told that I am “loud and monopolize the conversation of the group” I heard about it 3rd hand, so someone has been talking and it is not to me.
How many sorts of wrong can I pin on this donkey?
- If you think I am loud and monopolize the conversation, tell me to my fucking face.
- Rude, just rude. Rude to gossip about it and rude to say it and rude to condition my participation in an event on me being quiet. Aint gonna happen.
- I am not the first person this “loud” “monopolizing” “inappropriate” language has be hurled at. Rude Rude Rude.
- Fuck you.
The best part of this whole thing is that I am getting to the bottom of it. Somebody is going to own up to it. I have already begun. I want to know who it is. I want to know if the rest of the group feels this way. This is just about the meanest thing a person could say to me and you know what, it was said to hurt me. People don’t say this to me, historically as an adult, unless
A. They want to control me
B. They want to hurt me
C. They are jealous
D. some combo of the above
Even my husband knows better than to lob the “your loud” “quiet down” ball at my head. It is a low blow. I am enraged which only makes me more loud and more talkative. You know what, I am sorry if my exuberance and joy make you uncomfortable. I am sorry but your morose picklepuss makes me uncomfortable. This is just plain mean. It is just plain wrong, the saying of it and the saying behind a person’s back. It is wrong wrong wrong. The worst is that that there is nothing I can do about it, it is who I am. It is like making fun of a person because they are too fat or too skinny or too effeminate or too whatever. I am just too loud. Deal with it.