Okay folks…I have been having a hard time. You know how you know? My posts get snarky and responsive. I thought I would remove a couple of them but then I thought about the tricycle article I read about your demons….or my demons…or Milarepa’s demons.
The story goes like this Milarepa was a yogi (I am nowhere near a great yogi so the fact this happened to him, makes me feel a bit better). Anyhow, Milarepa returned to his cave to find it filled with demons. He tried to chase them out, screaming and shewing. They just got angrier and buzzed around him all the more. Then he tried to teach them the dharma. They didn’t leave. They sat in rapt attention watching him. Then he decided to submit and asked them what he could learn from them. All but one disappeared. The last snarling, big toothed demon only left when Milarepa put his head in the demons mouth, in complete and utter submission.
First, this yogi had demons all along. He just couldn’t see them. Being able to see and acknowledge your demons is the first step. Then, no matter how much he tried to will them away, they wouldn’t go. They only got angrier and more aggressive.
The point is that I recently came back to a cave full of demons. I am bit tense. I have had a hard time sleeping. By about day 5 with less than 4 hours of sleep each night. I am tense, angry and filled to the brim with buzzing demons that haunt my every waking hour. My belly hurts, due to the lack of sleep and I am emotionally overwrought. Really, I am ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I know I am being ridiculous but I am at my wits end. I begin posting responsive blogs that I think are really important.
Now, I am not saying they aren’t important, or that what I have to say is wrong or invalid. What I am saying is that it is just chasing around the demons, screaming at them to leave with no worthwhile outcome. It just stirs up my anger thoughts which lessens my joy in the moment. Also, and most important, that I must remember is that THIS WILL NOT LAST! It never does. I will sleep again. I will regain my joy. I will escape the torment of my million demons. In the moment it doesn’t seem like that. In the moment I am tired and sick and sad and batting furiously at those pesky critters.
Another important point is that moments of sadness and upset do not make a life unworthy of being called joyful. 90% of life I skip with joy, marveling at butterflies. I eat the most amazing food and encounter the most wonderful people along the way. Even for joyful people, demons attack. Bad things happen. Sadness crops up. It doesn’t matter if you write a blog title “perfectly joyful life” or you are a famous cave dwelling yogi. The point is to get to putting your head in the demon’s mouth up front. Stop the batting around. Stop the dharma lesson. Just stick your stupid head in that thing’s mouth and get it. I wish I could do it this second. I am just too too tired. I need a rest.