You know, I had a blog years ago dedicated to my rants. They were funny and often valid. I really do not want this site to become a place for my venting but I can’t let this one go by. Some guy going off on what is ladylike..come on? . It seems James Michael Sama…my male blogger counterpart decided he would tell all us women what the characteristics were that were not “ladylike”. Here is the article so you can read it first and feel my ladylike outrage too.
I don’t know about ladylike. This has been a word used to hurt me since I was a child. According to some ways of thinking, I was less than ladylike. I fought with this word all my life. It was a swear word hurled at me to get me to normalize into some oddball form of womanly-ness. I am loud and boisterous. I say what I think and I am not one to back down when offended. I am not exactly what you would call ladylike. The up side is that you know where you stand with me at all times. My heart is on my sleeve. There is no guessing, no hiding the ball. What you see is what you get. Luckily, it generally manifests as JOY! Yes, JOY! I am flamboyantly joyous and if a stray “fuck” slides out….well….I wouldn’t get to worked up over anything. I pick joy over ladylike any day.
So….lest we forget what we are here for, let us deconstruct this nitwit’s thesis on what is and what is not ladylike. Wait…I just have to say that this whole thing is gross. Who is he to tell us what is attractive and what makes a woman ladylike?
On with the deconstruction. (The bold phrases are from Mr. Sama’s article)
“They call themselves a ‘bad bitch.’
Really, I don’t even know what this is. I assume he is referring to a woman who isn’t afraid she is going to be walked atop at any moment. I can be a pretty bad bitch if you fuck with my kids, kick a homeless person, hurt another person, or act like a general prick. You may encounter a woman who isn’t afraid to tell you that you are misbehaving. To some men, this looks like a woman thinks she is a “bad bitch.” Come on gals, a real lady knows how and when a bad bitch is needed. The most ladylike thing to most men is a bad bitch who knows how to protect her hens.
“They have truck driver mouth.”
Wow!Fuck Wow! I am not ladylike, at all here. I am a part of a Facebook group called “Intelligent, classy, well-educated women who say F*ck a lot” Enough said. You don’t get to tell me how to talk, period. If you don’t like that I say “crap” or “hell” or call you the “ass” you are well, sorry if you think it is not ladylike, but fuck off.
They talk about fighting other girls (and do it).
As I read this I am becoming increasingly aware that these comments come from a man who is looking at a woman like a “ladylike” porcelain doll, not like a real human with real relationships and emotions and a life. I don’t often talk about fighting women. I rarely do fight with women. In fact, I hope never to have a fight with another woman, if I can help it. With that said, life is life. Again…there are reasons to cuss and there are reasons to fight. Sorry if I am not ladylike enough for you because I’d like to cut a bitch.
All they want to do is get “TURNT UP!”
“Turnt up!” is not a term I am familiar with. I get the concept and I also get the fucking ladylike double bind you guys put us in. If we aren’t ready to party at any given point in time, we are a “wet blanket” or we are “Debbie Downer.” I have heard this before, haven’t you, my ladylike minion? Maybe that is why we always want to get “turnt up!” We are avoiding your asinine appraisal of our energy levels. Further, why don’t you plan a damn date that doesn’t involve getting “turnt up!” My suggestion to men is, before you call a girl less than ladylike. Plan an awesome low key, thoughtful date and then, reassess.
They pay more attention to their appearance than their attitude.
Here is another ladylike double bind. If we are concerned with our appearance we are not ladylike. When I spend all day in yoga pants and forget the makeup for days on end, I get asked if I have been feeling sick or am unhappy. There is no good way around this for women. Have some compassion for Pete’s sake. Women….I think the real key here is chicanery. That is right, pure, old-fashioned trickery. Men can’t handle that 90% of women have some issue with our appearance and body. You have to act like you don’t care one bit about you appearance while running yourself ragged applying about 10,000 products a day to achieve the ladylike “natural” look.
Ladies…you are ladylike. Be yourself. Be the wonderful you that you are! Let your goddess shine, whether you are Durga or Demeter. Don’t let some douche dictate what makes you yummy and wonderful. A truly strong man wants a strong woman. He wants a real woman who isn’t just some two-dimensional image of what a “ladylike” woman is supposed to be.